Knowing where you come from...

helps you get to where you are going...

I tried to savor every day I had left before I would head back to the States. I wrung every drop of joy and happiness from the last hours and minutes I was given to spend with my very precious family. I tried to etch in to heart and mind every detail of every moment. I came to the realization that my lost moments here with my grandmother could very well be the last time I see her alive. Because of my lack of korean, I showed her everyday I was there I loved her by serving her in whatever minute way I could think of. On Lunar New Years I performed a ceremonial bow to her dressed in the traditional dress (a hanbok) and wished her a blessed new year in Korea. (Saehae bok manee badusseyo)

My aunties insisted that I pack my bags and helped me to shove and tamp down all of the gifts that they had bought for me. They even put together a farewell dinner party for me. We had grilled Kobestyle Beef,

which is a special cut of beef, that has a very unique marbling effect, which can only be achieved by a very special diet and massaging the cattles rump. We also had a seafood tofu soup, which had a whole octopus, clams, mussels, shrimp, and crabs.

It was incredibly tasty.

This was a very special dinner party indeed because for the first time in over two decades I saw my father.

I had mentioned in previous blogs that I finally knew his name and a little about him. But on February 5 at 2:36pm Korean Standard Time I met Jung Geun Pyo (Jung is his last name) my biological father. The first words out of his mouth were, "Omo (a korean explicative akin to oh my) you look exactly like your mother."

My aunt, Jung (she is a born-again Christian), called my biological father a week after my arrival to let him know I had come to Korea. He has not seen my since I was a toddler. Now because I never knew the reason of why he had not married my mother I just assumed that he did not want me either. So in my ignorance of these vital facts which caused wrong assumptions, I was afraid that he would not want to meet me, so I had asked my aunts for just a photo of him. When I talked to my English-speaking cousin later about my fears, my aunt went ahead and contacted Geun Pyo. My uncle, understanding Korean culture from a male's perspective, understood that meeting me could put in him in a precarious situation, since my father had married and had two daughters with his wife. He wanted to prepare me for the possibility of my father not wanting to see me because of the strain that it would cause to his current family.

But upon hearing the news of my arrival he was very anxious to meet me and was not satisfied with merely sending a picture of himself. My aunt cautioned him that meeting me could have adverse consequences with his current family. In addition to that, she warned him that meeting me could possibly cause him anguish in the fact that I was merely visiting. She asked would he be strong enough to allow me into his life only to possibly walk back out and not see him again for a very long time. So she advised him that he needed to really think through all the possible consequences. He reluctantly agreed to thinking about it though he was still anxious to see me and said he would contact her when he was ready.

In the meantime I went on my worldwind tour of Seoul and was visiting all the tourist hotspots, when a very determined Korean man made his was toward a Christian run restaurant in Sangju (2 hour away) to see his daugher whom he had not seen in over twenty years. My mother's side of the family was very surprised by this unannounced visitor who came bearing gifts; a ginormous 25lb bag of Korean pears, apples, and tangerines. To his chagrin, I was no where to be found and my family gently suggested he call next time. After eating several of the fruits my Aunt put on her serious face and asked me if I wanted to meet my biological father because he was very anxious to meet me.

I cannot begin to describe to you all the emotions I felt as we waited at the station to pick him up. As he climbed into the car, I just kept thinking, this is really happening, he is really sitting here looking at me like he was looking at a ghost, saying how I was the spitting image of my mother. After the awkwardness slowly ebbed away he began to ask for forgiveness and thank me for allowing him to come and see me. He apoligized again and again and explained to me that even though things had not worked out with my mother he never stopped loving me and thinking about me, so much so that when he married and had another daughter, he named her after me, Da Woon (which was my first name my parents had picked out for me before they broke up and my mother changed my name). (a picture of Da Woon during her teen years)

He asked my mother to let him have me, but the cords of maternal bonding being too strong, it was with a heavy heart he let his first daughter go to the States. After several years of living in the U.S. my family went back to Korea to visit family. During this visit my mother arranged for Geun Pyo to see me again. During this visit he learned that my momma had changed my name to Kim Dan Bi. Never would he have imagined that it would be the last time he saw my mother alive, and the last time he would see his daughter for the next 22 years. He named his second daughter Dan Bi in memory of the daughter he thought he would never see again.

Shortly after our departure for the States, my father had a terrible motorcycle accident and was laid up in a hospital bed for the next four years. He sustained severe neck injuries and was nearly paralyzed. It would be years before he would even be able to walk or work again. A lady that he was acquainted through work began caring for him during his rehabilitation. Her support and tender devotion lead to more and they were married in June of 1985.

He still has a pronounced limp and favors his left leg. His left hand has a continual twitch and he often loses tensile strength as well. During some point in time his mother and father both died of sudden illnesses. Yet with determination and the support of his wife he would walk again as well as to return to his former job of construction.

On the 6th of February, on the car ride to the train station my father abruptly changed his plans to return to his town and instead accompanied me back to Seoul where I would catch my return flight on the 7th. I was only aware of the fact of switch, because he called his sister and began to sob into the phone and tell her how pretty I had become and smart and he wanted her to pick us up at the station in Seoul. He told me repeatedly how proud he was of the woman I had grown into. I had my mother's looks and brains, and many of her talents, he mused to himself what I had inherited from him. He laughed to himself and said that at least I had inherited his ears and nose. [My original plan was to to go Seoul go to church at the largest church in the world (Pastor Yon E Cho's church) and to stay the night in a traditional Korean Hanok or guesthouse and take a taxi to the airport. But it would seem God had other things in mind].

Upon arriving to the train station in Seoul, my father's oldest sister (she is the only daughter)came to pick us up in a blue work truck. The first thing she said was that I looked just like my mother. She took us to a fancy oyster restaurant for brunch and back to her home to rest. Geun Pyo asked for my photo. The only ones I had were of when I was younger. Divine providence would have that I gave to him a photo which I thought was of myself and my cousin on my mother's side. After he looked down at the photo he gasped when he realized that it was not my mother's niece looking up at him from the photo but his very own niece. He asked where I had gotten the photo from and I explained my mother made an album for me of all my pictures from Korea and this was one of them. I cry as I think about the fact that God would orchestrate that of the several hundreds of pictures I have of my childhood I bought the only one that was of his niece, my cousin.
(my cousin in her wedding dress, and my aunt on my fathe's side in the blue korean dress)

Again God orchestrated that my cousin, from the picture, had recently moved back from the U.S. where her husband had been studying. She spoke a great deal of English. She acted as the interpreter for conversations with my father during my last day in Korea. My aunt and uncle (my father's sister and brother in law) explained to me that they had liked my mother and was very sorry for my loss. During the last final hours together through the help of my cousin, Gee Ah, Geun Pyo and I exchanged the last 22 years of life that we had both missed out on.

It was with a heavy heart that we rode to the airport. All the while, Geun Pyo was anxious about the future and if I was willing to be apart of his life after walking back into his life. I promised to write and to visit in the future and also promised I would learn more Korean. Geun Pyo his sister and her husband all accompanied me to the airport and with crocodile tears we hugged and bid each other farewell. I bowed once to my aunt and uncle, and lastly to my father.

I walked through the sliding glass doors and onto my gate and later onto the plane that would bring me back to the states. I slid down into the uncomfortable airplane seat and closed my eyes and I held back my tears and swallowed the lump in my throat as I remembered the tears my father shed, while with quivering voice he read out loud the simple words that I had written to him in a thank you card [in Korean]:

Dear Father,

Thank you so very much for your visit. I had a wonderful time. It has been a very long time, but I forgive you. I hope to see you again. Please send my regards to your family. with love,

Dan Bi

As he lifted his tear stained face I stood before him in my Korean dress, perfomed the ceremonial bow and said, "I wish you a very blessed new year, honored father."

(if you would like to see the photos of my last week in Korea please follow this link: facebookphotos ) I am currently back in WV but there will be more blogs in the weeks to come as I process through all that has happened in the last three weeks. Thanks for having accompanied me on this incredible journey and for your prayers.